| Monologue |
| Tom Hanks | ||
| Drummond Erskine | ... | Abraham Lincoln |
| Tom Davis | ... | orderly |
| Phil Hartman | ||
| Victoria Jackson | ||
| Robert Caminiti | ||
| Tracy Cooper | ||
| Joe Dicso | ||
| Conan O'Brien | ... | stage manager |
| Bob Odenkirk | ... | orderly |
| Terry Rohnke | ||
| Michael Shoemaker | ... | Tom's body |
| Dave Wilson |