| Aired: | 02.28.1987 (5 / 17) |
| Valerie Bertinelli | ... | patron |
| Edwin Newman | ||
| Dana Carvey | ... | Ted Koppel |
| Tom Davis | ... | Geraldo Rivera (voice) |
| Nora Dunn | ... | waitress |
| Cheryl Hardwick | ... | patron |
| Phil Hartman | ... | patron |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | hostess |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | patron |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Sam Donaldson |