| Sketch | The Vandals |
| Steve Martin | ... | Centurion Likus Flavius |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Mrs. Gunderic |
| Garrett Morris | ... | captain |
| Bill Murray | ... | Mr. Gunderic |
| Gilda Radner | ... | pizza delivery woman |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | guard |
| Tom Davis | ... | lieutenant |
| Al Franken | ... | Brad Gunderic |
| Mitchell Laurance | ... | guard |
| Harry Shearer | ... | narrator Voice |