| Cold Opening | Town Hall Meeting |
| Rachel Dratch | ... | Miller |
| Will Forte | ... | Parks |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Donald Rumsfeld Live |
| Steve Higgins | ... | announcer Voice |
| Finesse Mitchell | ... | soldier |
| Chris Parnell | ... | Whitcomb |
| Amy Poehler | ... | Diana Fenton, reporter Voice |
| Rob Riggle | ... | Citro |
| Kenan Thompson | ... | soldier |