| Cold Opening | Contract |
| Sketch | One-Night Stand |
| Sketch | Nick Slammer |
| Sketch | It's A Girl |
| Musical Performance | "When a Man Loves a Woman" |
| Sketch | Il Returno De Hercules |
| Sketch | Tough Parents |
| Sketch | Taxi |
| Cold Opening | Contract |
| Brian McConnachie | ... | attorney |
| Lorne Michaels | ||
| Robert Smigel | ... | attorney |
| Sketch | One-Night Stand |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Joan /caller Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Audrey |
| Dennis Miller | ... | friend |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | friend |
| Show |
| Nora Dunn | ... | announcer Voice |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Ellen Kramer |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Phil Donahue |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Desiree Fortune |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Cindy Parsons |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Paul Novotny |
| Christine Zander | ... | caller Voice |
| Sketch | Nick Slammer |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Chad Hewitt |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Jack Hadey |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Ivan Boesky |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Gary Clark |
| Marc Shaiman |
| Sketch | It's A Girl |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Shelley Barnette |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Dr. Jacob Hoffritz |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Janet Carter |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Louise |
| Musical Performance | "When a Man Loves a Woman" |
| Sketch | Il Returno De Hercules |
| Dana Carvey | ... | King Laetese |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Gabriella Ditri /Helena |
| Phil Hartman | ... | narrator Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Helena Voice |
| Tom Davis | ... | King Laetese Voice |
| Jim Downey | ... | Hercules Voice |
| Cold Opening | Contract |
| Bill Murray | Live | |
| Paul Raley | ... | attorney |
| Brian McConnachie | ... | attorney |
| Lorne Michaels | ||
| Robert Smigel | ... | attorney |
| Commercial |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | announcer Voice |
| Phil Hartman | ... | bookie Voice |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | gambler |
♬Barry Manilow - "Can't Smile Without You"
| Sketch | One-Night Stand |
| Bill Murray | ... | Bart |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Joan /caller Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Audrey |
| Dennis Miller | ... | friend |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | friend |
♬Led Zeppelin - "Stairway to Heaven"
| Show |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Ellen Kramer |
| Nora Dunn | ... | announcer Voice |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Phil Donahue |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Desiree Fortune |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Cindy Parsons |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Paul Novotny |
| Christine Zander | ... | caller Voice |
⁕In reruns, this sketch is replaced with the dress rehearsal version, in which "Joe Piscopo" is changed to "Gallagher" in the line about Nora Dunn's character having a bad sexual experience.
| Sketch | Nick Slammer |
| Bill Murray | ... | Nick |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Chad Hewitt |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Jack Hadey |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Ivan Boesky |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Gary Clark |
| Marc Shaiman |
⁕The word "bitch" is muted in reruns.
| Weekend Update |
♬Little Richard - "Good Golly, Miss Molly"
| Sketch | It's A Girl |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ted Carter |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | announcer Voice |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Shelley Barnette |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Dr. Jacob Hoffritz |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Janet Carter |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Louise |
| Musical Performance | "When a Man Loves a Woman" |
| Sketch | Il Returno De Hercules |
| Bill Murray | ... | Massimo Guillianti /Hercules |
| Dana Carvey | ... | King Laetese |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Gabriella Ditri /Helena |
| Phil Hartman | ... | narrator Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Helena Voice |
| Tom Davis | ... | King Laetese Voice |
| Jim Downey | ... | Hercules Voice |
⁕Phil Hartman stumbles a few times while reading the opening narration of this sketch. In reruns, the narration is read by Al Franken.
♬Alfred Newman - "Prelude (From 'The Robe')"
| Sketch | Tough Parents |
| Bill Murray | ... | Jerry |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Mike |
| Nora Dunn | ... | mother |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Wendy |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bill Murray | 9 | 2 | |||
| Percy Sledge | 1 | ||||
| Paul Raley | 1 | ||||
| John Henry Kurtz | 2 | 2 | |||
| Dana Carvey | 4 | ||||
| Nora Dunn | 5 | 2 | |||
| Phil Hartman | 5 | 1 | 3 | ||
| Jan Hooks | 3 | 1 | |||
| Victoria Jackson | 3 | ||||
| Jon Lovitz | 4 | 1 | |||
| Dennis Miller | 2 | ||||
| A. Whitney Brown | |||||
| Kevin Nealon | 2 | ||||
| Tom Davis | 1 | 1 | |||
| Lew Del Gatto | 1 | ||||
| Jim Downey | 1 | 1 | |||
| Alex Foster | 1 | ||||
| Earl Gardner | 1 | ||||
| Tony Garnier | 1 | ||||
| Cheryl Hardwick | 1 | ||||
| Brian McConnachie | 1 | ||||
| Lorne Michaels | 1 | ||||
| Chris Parker | 1 | ||||
| Leon Pendarvis | 1 | ||||
| Lenny Pickett | 1 | ||||
| Marc Shaiman | 1 | ||||
| Robert Smigel | 1 | ||||
| G.E. Smith | 2 | ||||
| Steve Turre | 1 | ||||
| Christine Zander | 1 | 1 | |||
| 59 | 2 | 2 | 11 |