| Cold Opening | Ballad Of The Mute Marine |
| Sketch | 16th Annual Star Trek Convention |
| Sketch | Christmas Party |
| Show | T.J. Hooker Little Blue Riding Hood |
| Musical Performance | "Shelter" |
| Sketch | Star Trek V: The Restaurant Enterprise |
| Sketch | Look At That! |
| Miscellaneous | Christmas Memories |
| Sketch | It's A Wonderful Life |
| Musical Performance | "I Found Love" |
| Film | The True Life Story Of Frankie Toussaint |
| Musical Performance | "'Zat You, Santa Claus?" |
| Cold Opening | Ballad Of The Mute Marine |
| Dana Carvey | ... | marine |
| Phil Hartman | ... | marine |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | marine |
| Dennis Miller | ... | marine |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | marine |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | marine |
| Sketch | 16th Annual Star Trek Convention |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Charlie |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Jeffy |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Julie Cobb |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | trekkie |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | emcee |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Artie |
| Jim Downey | ... | event announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Christmas Party |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Liz Sweeney |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Stan |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Candy Sweeney |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | guest |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | guest |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | Stan |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Bill Smith |
| Marc Shaiman | ... | Skip St. Thomas |
| Sketch | Star Trek V: The Restaurant Enterprise |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Chekov Voice |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Khan |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Scotty Voice |
| Nora Dunn | ... | patron |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Dr. McCoy |
| Jan Hooks | ... | patron |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Janice Rand |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | inspector |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Spock |
| Akira Yoshimura | ... | Mr. Sulu |
| Sketch | It's A Wonderful Life |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Jimmy Stewart /George Bailey |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Uncle Billy |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Mary |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Old Man Potter |
| Dennis Miller | ... | Harry |
| Musical Performance | "'Zat You, Santa Claus?" |
| Film | The True Life Story Of Frankie Toussaint |
| Griffin Dunne | ... | Frankie Toussaint |
| Bruce Jarchow | ... | attorney |
| John Rothman | ... | priest |
| Sketch | Christmas Party |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Liz Sweeney#3 |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Candy Sweeney#3 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Bill Smith#2 |
| Marc Shaiman | ... | Skip St. Thomas#2 |
| Sketch | Star Trek V: The Restaurant Enterprise |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Spock#1 |
| Akira Yoshimura | ... | Mr. Sulu#1 |
| Cold Opening | Ballad Of The Mute Marine |
| William Shatner | ... | Oliver North Live |
| Dana Carvey | ... | marine |
| Phil Hartman | ... | marine |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | marine |
| Dennis Miller | ... | marine |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | marine |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | marine |
| Sketch | 16th Annual Star Trek Convention |
| William Shatner | ||
| Kevin Meaney | ... | trekkie |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Charlie |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Jeffy |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Julie Cobb |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | trekkie |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | emcee |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Artie |
| Jim Downey | ... | event announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Christmas Party |
| William Shatner | ... | Roger |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Liz Sweeney#3 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Stan |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Candy Sweeney#3 |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | guest |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | guest |
| A. Whitney Brown | ... | Stan |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Bill Smith#2 |
| Marc Shaiman | ... | Skip St. Thomas#2 |
| Show | T.J. Hooker Little Blue Riding Hood |
| William Shatner | ... | T.J. Hooker |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Vinnie |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Stacy |
⁕In reruns, the portion where T.J. reads the license plate with his foot is replaced with the dress rehearsal version, as well as some of the dialogue between Dana Carvey and Victoria Jackson.
⁕In reruns, this segment is followed by a sponsored ad for Hawaiian Pride Sugar.
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Al Franken |
Explains Reagan's prostate surgical procedure |
♬The Doors - "Touch Me"
| Sketch | Star Trek V: The Restaurant Enterprise |
| William Shatner | ... | Captain Kirk |
| Kevin Meaney | ... | patron |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Khan |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Chekov Voice |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Scotty Voice |
| Nora Dunn | ... | patron |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Dr. McCoy |
| Jan Hooks | ... | patron |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Janice Rand |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | inspector |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Spock#1 |
| Akira Yoshimura | ... | Mr. Sulu#1 |
♬"Star Trek" Theme
| Sketch | It's A Wonderful Life |
| William Shatner | ||
| Kevin Meaney | ... | Dave |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Jimmy Stewart#2 /George Bailey |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Uncle Billy |
| Jan Hooks | ... | Mary |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Old Man Potter |
| Dennis Miller | ... | Harry |
| Andy Murphy | ... | Ernie |
♬The Philadelphia Brass Ensemble - "Angels We Have Heard on High"
| Film | The True Life Story Of Frankie Toussaint |
| Griffin Dunne | ... | Frankie Toussaint |
| Bruce Jarchow | ... | attorney |
| John Rothman | ... | priest |
| Tom Davis | ... | Dr. Eric Bloom |
| Musical Performance | "'Zat You, Santa Claus?" |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| William Shatner | 8 | 1 | |||
| Lone Justice | 2 | ||||
| Buster Poindexter | 1 | ||||
| Kevin Meaney | 3 | ||||
| Griffin Dunne | 1 | ||||
| Bruce Jarchow | 1 | ||||
| John Rothman | 1 | ||||
| Dana Carvey | 5 | 1 | 2 | ||
| Nora Dunn | 3 | 1 | |||
| Phil Hartman | 5 | ||||
| Jan Hooks | 3 | 1 | |||
| Victoria Jackson | 4 | 1 | |||
| Jon Lovitz | 5 | ||||
| Dennis Miller | 3 | ||||
| A. Whitney Brown | 3 | ||||
| Kevin Nealon | 5 | 2 | |||
| Tom Davis | 1 | ||||
| Lew Del Gatto | 1 | ||||
| Jim Downey | 1 | 1 | |||
| Steve Ferrone | 1 | ||||
| Alex Foster | 1 | ||||
| Al Franken | 1 | ||||
| Earl Gardner | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 1 | 1 | |||
| Leon Pendarvis | 1 | ||||
| Lenny Pickett | 1 | ||||
| Marc Shaiman | 1 | 1 | |||
| G.E. Smith | 1 | ||||
| Steve Turre | 1 | ||||
| T-Bone Wolk | 1 | ||||
| Akira Yoshimura | 1 | 1 | |||
| Joe Forristal | 1 | ||||
| Andy Murphy | 1 | ||||
| 70 | 6 | 3 | 4 |