| Cold Opening | Rumors |
| Sketch | Mr. Monopoly |
| Game Show | You Bet Your Finger |
| Musical Performance | "Hold On" |
| Show | You Can Pick Your Friends, You Can Pick Your Nose, But You Can't Pick Your Friends' Noses |
| Show | Business Beat |
| Musical Performance | "I Don't Know Why" |
| Sketch | Tea And Sympathy |
| Commercial |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | Rudy Randolph III |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Rudy Randolph Jr. |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Game Show | You Bet Your Finger |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Kiki |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Brian |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Bobby Gayne |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Fed Jones |
| Damon Wayans | ... | Ned Jones |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Show | You Can Pick Your Friends, You Can Pick Your Nose, But You Can't Pick Your Friends' Noses |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Jonathan Lee |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Eli Horvath |
| Show | Business Beat |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Denise Tullen |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Don Hammond |
| Danitra Vance | ... | Annette Watkins |
| Show | You Can Pick Your Friends, You Can Pick Your Nose, But You Can't Pick Your Friends' Noses |
| Griffin Dunne | ... | Burton Stewart |
| Commercial |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | Rudy Randolph III |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Rudy Randolph Jr. |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Mr. Monopoly |
| Griffin Dunne | ... | Angel Carasco |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Mr. Monopoly |
| Randy Quaid | ... | officer |
| Damon Wayans | ... | officer |
⁕Without notifying anyone, Damon Wayans changed his character to a gay stereotype between dress rehearsal and the live show. As a result, he was fired after the broadcast.
| Game Show | You Bet Your Finger |
| Griffin Dunne | ... | Kevin McMurray |
| Bruce McCulloch | ... | winner Still |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Kiki |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Brian |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Bobby Gayne |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Commercial |
| Anthony Michael Hall | ... | Fed Jones |
| Damon Wayans | ... | Ned Jones |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Weekend Update |
| Dennis Miller | ||
| Lila York |
The Weekend Update DancersIvy league sex ring | |
| A. Whitney Brown |
| Show | You Can Pick Your Friends, You Can Pick Your Nose, But You Can't Pick Your Friends' Noses |
| Griffin Dunne | ... | Burton Stewart |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Jonathan Lee |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Eli Horvath |
| Show | Business Beat |
| Griffin Dunne | ... | Bill Haseltine |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Denise Tullen |
| Randy Quaid | ... | Don Hammond |
| Danitra Vance | ... | Annette Watkins |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Griffin Dunne | 6 | ||||
| Rosanne Cash | 2 | ||||
| Penn & Teller | 1 | ||||
| Lila York | 1 | ||||
| Bruce McCulloch | 1 | 1 | |||
| Joan Cusack | 3 | ||||
| Robert Downey Jr. | 1 | 1 | |||
| Nora Dunn | |||||
| Anthony Michael Hall | 3 | 1 | |||
| Jon Lovitz | 3 | 1 | |||
| Dennis Miller | 1 | ||||
| Randy Quaid | 5 | 1 | |||
| Terry Sweeney | 2 | 1 | |||
| Danitra Vance | 1 | ||||
| A. Whitney Brown | 1 | ||||
| Don Novello | 1 | ||||
| Damon Wayans | 2 | 1 | |||
| Don Pardo | 6 | 6 | |||
| 40 | 5 | 1 | 6 | 1 |