| Sketch | Prison Recruiting |
| Elliott Gould | ... | Coach Edwards |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Matoose Rose |
| Bill Murray | ... | Mike Curb |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Laurie Schindler |
| Gilda Radner | ... | cheerleader |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | epilogue narrator Voice |
| Tom Davis | ... | Professor Clotworthy |
| Al Franken | ... | Roone Arledge |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | Yvonne |
| Sarah Paley | ... | cheerleader |
| Alan Zweibel | ... | guard |