| Cold Opening | Belushi Demands |
| Sketch | The Farbers Meet The Coneheads |
| Musical Performance | "Black Magic Woman" |
| Sketch | Marine Wedding |
| Sketch | A Town Without Pity |
| Sketch | The Story Of The Squatters |
| Sketch | Suicide Letter |
| Show | Ask Big Daddy |
| Film | Mirage |
| Musical Performance | "Europa" |
| Sketch | Gags Beasley |
| Sketch | The Farbers Meet The Coneheads |
| Sketch | Marine Wedding |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Sergeant Louis Boyd |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Private Kathryn Lazetti |
| Anne Beatts | ... | guest |
| Tom Davis | ... | guest |
| Jim Downey | ... | guest |
| Al Franken | ... | guest |
| Mitchell Laurance | ... | marine |
| Neil Levy | ... | marine |
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | ... | guest |
| Tom Schiller | ... | guest |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | guest |
| Sketch | A Town Without Pity |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Eliot Ness |
| John Belushi | ... | Sanjay Gandhi |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Morarji Desai |
| Bill Murray | ... | servant |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Indira Gandhi |
| Tom Davis | ... | Youngblood |
| Jim Downey | ... | Rico |
| Al Franken | ... | Lee |
| Commercial |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Mr. Wiggins |
| Bill Murray | ... | Jim |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Mary |
| Anne Beatts | ... | customer |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | The Story Of The Squatters |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | squatter |
| John Belushi | ... | squatter |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Ma |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Dred Squat |
| Bill Murray | ... | squatter |
| Laraine Newman | ... | squatter |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Squaw |
| Anne Beatts | ... | squatter |
| Tom Davis | ... | kid |
| Tom Davis | ... | squatter |
| Jim Downey | ... | kid |
| Jim Downey | ... | squatter |
| Al Franken | ... | husband |
| Al Franken | ... | squatter |
| Mitchell Laurance | ... | squatter |
| Neil Levy | ... | squatter |
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | ... | squatter |
| Don Pardo | ... | narrator Voice |
| Tom Schiller | ... | squatter |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | squatter |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | wife |
| Alan Zweibel | ... | squatter |
| Sketch | Suicide Letter |
| Show | Ask Big Daddy |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Anu Shafi /caller Voice |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Idi Amin |
| Bill Murray | ... | Walter Cronkite |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Sambira Nabu /caller Voice |
| Tom Davis | ... | Lambobo Bobollo /caller Voice |
| Commercial |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Ricardo Montalban |
| Garrett Morris | ... | delivery man |
| Bill Murray | ... | son |
| Gilda Radner | ... | elderly woman |
| Sketch | The Farbers Meet The Coneheads |
| Sketch | A Town Without Pity |
| Sketch | The Farbers Meet The Coneheads |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Beldar Conehead |
| John Belushi | ... | Larry Farber |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Prymaat Conehead |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Connie Conehead |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Bobbi Farber |
⁕John Belushi and Gilda Radner break character after Jane Curtin stumbles while jumping out the window.
| Sketch | Marine Wedding |
| Jack Burns | ... | chaplain |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Sergeant Louis Boyd |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Private Kathryn Lazetti |
| Anne Beatts | ... | guest |
| Tom Davis | ... | guest |
| Jim Downey | ... | guest |
| Al Franken | ... | guest |
| Mitchell Laurance | ... | marine |
| Neil Levy | ... | marine |
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | ... | guest |
| Tom Schiller | ... | guest |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | guest |
| Sketch | A Town Without Pity |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Eliot Ness |
| John Belushi | ... | Sanjay Gandhi |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Morarji Desai |
| Bill Murray | ... | servant |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Indira Gandhi |
| Tom Davis | ... | Youngblood |
| Jim Downey | ... | Rico |
| Al Franken | ... | Lee |
| Commercial |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Mr. Wiggins |
| Bill Murray | ... | Jim |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Mary |
| Anne Beatts | ... | customer |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | The Story Of The Squatters |
| Jack Burns | ... | Colonel George Hall |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | squatter |
| John Belushi | ... | squatter |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Ma |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Dred Squat |
| Bill Murray | ... | squatter |
| Laraine Newman | ... | squatter |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Squaw |
| Anne Beatts | ... | squatter |
| Tom Davis | ... | kid |
| Tom Davis | ... | squatter |
| Jim Downey | ... | kid |
| Jim Downey | ... | squatter |
| Al Franken | ... | husband |
| Al Franken | ... | squatter |
| Mitchell Laurance | ... | squatter |
| Neil Levy | ... | squatter |
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | ... | squatter |
| Don Pardo | ... | narrator Voice |
| Tom Schiller | ... | squatter |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | squatter |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | wife |
| Alan Zweibel | ... | squatter |
| Sketch | Suicide Letter |
| Jack Burns | ... | Mr. Ross |
| Dan Aykroyd | ||
| John Belushi | ||
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Garrett Morris | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Laraine Newman | ... | Sherri Norwalk |
| Gilda Radner | ||
| Neil Levy | ... | boy scout |
| Show | Ask Big Daddy |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Anu Shafi /caller Voice |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Idi Amin |
| Bill Murray | ... | Walter Cronkite |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Sambira Nabu /caller Voice |
| Tom Davis | ... | Lambobo Bobollo /caller Voice |
| Film | Mirage |
| Commercial |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Ricardo Montalban |
| Garrett Morris | ... | delivery man |
| Bill Murray | ... | son |
| Gilda Radner | ... | elderly woman |
| Sketch | Gags Beasley |
| Jack Burns | ... | Gags Beasley |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Gilda Radner |
⁕Gags Beasley is the name of Fozzie Bear's joke writer on "The Muppet Show", where Jack Burns was head writer for the show's first season.
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Jack Burns | 6 | ||||
| Santana | 2 | ||||
| Dan Aykroyd | 8 | 1 | 2 | 1 | |
| John Belushi | 5 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Jane Curtin | 6 | 1 | |||
| Garrett Morris | 5 | 2 | |||
| Bill Murray | 6 | 1 | |||
| Laraine Newman | 4 | 2 | 1 | ||
| Gilda Radner | 7 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Anne Beatts | 3 | ||||
| Tom Davis | 4 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Jim Downey | 3 | ||||
| Al Franken | 3 | ||||
| Mitchell Laurance | 2 | ||||
| Neil Levy | 3 | ||||
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | 2 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 2 | 2 | |||
| Bob Van Ry | 1 | ||||
| Tom Schiller | 2 | ||||
| Rosie Shuster | 2 | ||||
| Alan Zweibel | 1 | ||||
| 77 | 7 | 7 | 5 |