| Cold Opening | Barnes & Noble |
| Show | “Fantasy Dinner Date” |
| Musical Performance | "Bamboleo" |
| Show | 49th Annual Westminster Mad Dog Show |
| Sketch | “Leading Lady” |
| Musical Sketch | Levels |
| Musical Performance | "Djobi Djoba" |
| Sketch | Jealous of Janelle “Front Porch” |
| Cold Opening | Barnes & Noble |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Ed Live |
| Jan Hooks | ... | customer |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Bernie Flenckman |
| Sketch |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Brad |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Monica |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Louise |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Peter |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | moderator |
| Show | “Fantasy Dinner Date” |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Hans |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Helmut |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Franz |
| Musical Sketch | Levels |
| Dana Carvey | ... | tough guy |
| Nora Dunn | ... | woman |
| Phil Hartman | ... | tough guy |
| Jan Hooks | ... | woman |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | woman |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | friend |
| Dennis Miller | ... | detective |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | man |
| Mike Myers | ... | tough guy |
| Show | “Fantasy Dinner Date” |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Hans#9 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Helmut#3 |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Franz#9 |
| Cold Opening | Barnes & Noble |
| Glenn Close | ... | clerk |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Ed Live |
| Jan Hooks | ... | customer |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Bernie Flenckman |
⁕In reruns, a few of Glenn Close's lines are replaced with the dress rehearsal version, and one is added of Phil Hartman saying "Ayatollah birthday sale".
| Commercial |
| Conrad Goode | ... | Big Red |
| John Henry Kurtz | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jan Hooks | ... | mother |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | father |
| Sketch |
| Glenn Close | ... | Alex |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Brad#2 |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Monica |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | Louise |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Peter |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | moderator |
⁕In reruns, some of Alex's dialogue about the rabbit is removed.
| Show | “Fantasy Dinner Date” |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Hans#9 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Helmut#3 |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Franz#9 |
| Weekend Update |
♬Benny Goodman - "Sing, Sing, Sing"
♬Tone-Loc - "Wild Thing"
| Show | 49th Annual Westminster Mad Dog Show |
| Glenn Close | ... | Elizabeth Barrett Whitaker |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Dave Berman |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕In reruns, the opening title shot is replaced with the dress rehearsal version, in which Kevin Nealon does the voiceover.
| Sketch | “Leading Lady” |
| Glenn Close | ... | Astoria DuBois V |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer Voice |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | Master Thespian#13 |
⁕In reruns, a few shots are replaced with the dress rehearsal version.
♬Trevor Duncan - "English Suite"
| Musical Sketch | Levels |
| Glenn Close | ... | friend |
| Dana Carvey | ... | tough guy |
| Nora Dunn | ... | woman |
| Phil Hartman | ... | tough guy |
| Jan Hooks | ... | woman |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | woman |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | friend |
| Dennis Miller | ... | detective |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | man |
| Mike Myers | ... | tough guy |
⁕Glenn Close accidentally flubs singing "gesture". This is fixed in reruns.
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Glenn Close | 7 | ||||
| The Gipsy Kings | 2 | ||||
| William Hurt | 1 | ||||
| Conrad Goode | 1 | ||||
| John Henry Kurtz | 1 | 1 | |||
| Dana Carvey | 4 | 2 | 1 | ||
| Nora Dunn | 2 | ||||
| Phil Hartman | 5 | 1 | 1 | 2 | |
| Jan Hooks | 4 | ||||
| Victoria Jackson | 2 | ||||
| Jon Lovitz | 4 | 1 | |||
| Dennis Miller | 2 | ||||
| Kevin Nealon | 5 | 1 | |||
| A. Whitney Brown | 1 | ||||
| Al Franken | Absent | ||||
| Mike Myers | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 2 | 2 | |||
| 44 | 5 | 2 | 5 |