| Sketch | Hard News Cafe |
| Valerie Bertinelli | ... | patron |
| Edwin Newman | ||
| Dana Carvey | ... | Ted Koppel#2 |
| Nora Dunn | ... | waitress |
| Phil Hartman | ... | patron |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | hostess |
| Jon Lovitz | ... | patron |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | Sam Donaldson#1 |
| Tom Davis | ... | Geraldo Rivera Voice |