| Sketch | Altered Walter |
| Bill Murray | ... | Walter Cronkite#7 |
| Denny Dillon | ... | Betsy Maxwell |
| Joe Piscopo | ... | Dan Rather#2 |
| Matthew Laurance | ... | South American |
♬Miklós Rózsa - "Parade Of The Charioteers"
♬Frank Zappa - "The Uncle Meat Variations"
♬The Dwarf Chorus - "Heigh-Ho"