| Cold Opening | Sarducci in Tokyo |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Sketch | Debs Behind Bars |
| Musical Performance | "Rock Lobster" |
| Sketch | Anchovy Council of America |
| Sketch | Baby Mogul |
| Film | Mr. Bill Gets Help |
| Musical Performance | "Dance This Mess Around" |
| Cold Opening | Sarducci in Tokyo |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Don Novello | ... | Father Guido Sarducci Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Akira Yoshimura | ... | guard |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Garrett Morris | ... | police officer |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ted Kennedy |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Rosalynn Carter |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Kimberly |
| Tom Davis | ... | John Connally |
| Jim Downey | ... | George Bush |
| Brian Doyle-Murray | ... | Howard Baker |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Debs Behind Bars |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Winky Reynolds |
| Garrett Morris | ... | matron |
| Bill Murray | ... | Daddy |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Gloria Vanderbilt |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Muffin Weinstein |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Witty |
| Jim Downey | ... | Cottie |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Tom Gammill | ... | Biddle Pemberton |
| Weekend Update |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Alan Zweibel | ... | Michael Conklin Still |
| Harry Shearer | ... |
Vic Ricker
Report on the Olympics |
| Laraine Newman |
Report on reinstating the draft | |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Scott Gunderson /senior |
| Al Franken |
Me, Al FrankenGold |
| Sketch | Anchovy Council of America |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Christina |
| Garrett Morris | ... | commercial actor |
| Bill Murray | ... | Don |
| Tom Davis | ... | executive |
| Don Novello | ... | Sal |
| Harry Shearer | ... | John Kinchlow |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | commercial actress |
| Show | Bad Playhouse |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Molly |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Mr. Potato Head |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ronnie Bateman /Sean McGinty |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Lady Pinth-Garnell |
| Gilda Radner | ... | maiden |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | local |
| Sarah Paley | ... | local |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Max Pross | ... | local |
| Tom Schiller | ... | local |
| Sketch | Baby Mogul |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Carol |
| Bill Murray | ... | Frank Mahoney |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Paula Kirsch |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Marilyn Mazelman |
| Harry Shearer | ... | Leon |
| Film | Mr. Bill Gets Help |
| Walter Williams | ... | Miss Sally Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill's mom Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Hands Voice |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ted Kennedy#2 |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Rosalynn Carter#6 |
| Tom Davis | ... | John Connally |
| Jim Downey | ... | George Bush#1 |
| Brian Doyle-Murray | ... | Howard Baker |
| Cold Opening | Sarducci in Tokyo |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Don Novello | ... | Father Guido Sarducci#12 Live |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Akira Yoshimura | ... | guard |
| Sketch | Caucus |
| Teri Garr | ... | Mrs. Vogler |
| John B. Anderson | ||
| Garrett Morris | ... | police officer |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ted Kennedy#2 |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Rosalynn Carter#6 |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Kimberly |
| Tom Davis | ... | John Connally |
| Jim Downey | ... | George Bush#1 |
| Brian Doyle-Murray | ... | Howard Baker |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Sketch | Debs Behind Bars |
| Teri Garr | ... | Bitsy Brewster |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Winky Reynolds |
| Garrett Morris | ... | matron |
| Bill Murray | ... | Daddy |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Gloria Vanderbilt |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Muffin Weinstein |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Witty |
| Jim Downey | ... | Cottie |
| Harry Shearer | ... | announcer Voice |
| Tom Gammill | ... | Biddle Pemberton |
⁕Laraine Newman's right earring falls off after she spins around to show off her jeans. She responds by quickly pulling off her left earring.
| Weekend Update |
| Jane Curtin | ||
| Bill Murray | ||
| Alan Zweibel | ... | Michael Conklin Still |
| Harry Shearer | ... |
Vic Ricker#1
Report on the Olympics |
| Laraine Newman |
Report on reinstating the draft | |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | Scott Gunderson /senior |
| Al Franken |
Me, Al FrankenGold |
| Sketch | Anchovy Council of America |
| Teri Garr | ... | Sue Perron |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Christina |
| Garrett Morris | ... | commercial actor |
| Bill Murray | ... | Don |
| Tom Davis | ... | executive |
| Don Novello | ... | Sal |
| Harry Shearer | ... | John Kinchlow |
| Yvonne Hudson | ... | commercial actress |
| Show | Bad Playhouse |
| Teri Garr | ... | Katie |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Molly |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Mr. Potato Head |
| Bill Murray | ... | Ronnie Bateman#7 /Sean McGinty |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Lady Pinth-Garnell |
| Gilda Radner | ... | maiden |
| Peter Aykroyd | ... | local |
| Sarah Paley | ... | local |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Max Pross | ... | local |
| Tom Schiller | ... | local |
♬Leonard Pennario - "March of the Lunatics"
| Sketch | Baby Mogul |
| Teri Garr | ... | Cheryl Kirsch |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Carol |
| Bill Murray | ... | Frank Mahoney |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Paula Kirsch |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Marilyn Mazelman |
| Harry Shearer | ... | Leon |
| Film | Mr. Bill Gets Help |
| David Derickson | ... | Dr. I.M. Häns |
| Walter Williams | ... | Miss Sally Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Bill's mom Voice |
| Walter Williams | ... | Mr. Hands Voice |
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Teri Garr | 6 | ||||
| The B-52's | 2 | ||||
| John B. Anderson | 1 | ||||
| David Derickson | 1 | ||||
| Jane Curtin | 6 | ||||
| Garrett Morris | 4 | ||||
| Bill Murray | 7 | 1 | 1 | ||
| Laraine Newman | 5 | 2 | |||
| Gilda Radner | 4 | ||||
| Peter Aykroyd | 3 | ||||
| Tom Davis | 2 | 1 | |||
| Jim Downey | 3 | 1 | |||
| Brian Doyle-Murray | 1 | 1 | |||
| Al Franken | 1 | ||||
| Don Novello | 2 | 1 | |||
| Paul Shaffer | |||||
| Harry Shearer | 5 | 1 | 2 | ||
| Tom Gammill | 1 | ||||
| Yvonne Hudson | 1 | ||||
| Sarah Paley | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 2 | 2 | |||
| Max Pross | 1 | ||||
| Tom Schiller | 1 | ||||
| Walter Williams | 1 | 4 | |||
| Akira Yoshimura | 1 | ||||
| Alan Zweibel | 1 | 1 | |||
| 63 | 3 | 6 | 8 | 1 |