| Cold Opening | Defense Team |
| Jim Breuer | ... | guard |
| Will Ferrell | ... | Ted Kaczynski#2 Live |
| Darrell Hammond | ... | Daniel Benzali |
| David Koechner | ... | David Kaczynski |
| Tim Meadows | ... | Johnnie Cochran#4 |
| Cheri Oteri | ... | Leslie Abramson#1 |
| Steve Higgins | ... | F. Lee Bailey#2 |