| Aired: | 10.20.1990 (9 / 16) |
| George Steinbrenner | ... | soldier |
| Dana Carvey | ... | Billy |
| Tom Davis | ... | Jefferson statue |
| Chris Farley | ... | soldier |
| Phil Hartman | ... | Lincoln statue |
| Phil Hartman | ... | announcer (voice) |
| Jan Hooks | ... | visitor |
| Victoria Jackson | ... | motorist |
| Kevin Nealon | ... | motorist |
| Chris Rock | ... | soldier |