| Show | Miss Pregnant Teenage America |
| Dudley Moore | ... | Roman Polanski |
| Lauren Tom | ... | Miss Hawaii |
| Joan Cusack | ... | Tammy Whitborough |
| Robert Downey Jr. | ... | Cary Guthrie |
| Nora Dunn | ... | Donna Marie Kelsey |
| Terry Sweeney | ... | Joan Collins |
| Danitra Vance | ... | Cabrini Green Jackson |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
⁕This sketch is removed in reruns. To fill time, "Big Ball Of Sports" from 01.18.1986 and a sketch from dress rehearsal are shown later in the episode.