| Cold Opening | Fan Mail |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Sketch | Hello Dolly Therapy |
| Sketch | Household Hints “Dominatrix” |
| Miscellaneous | Muppets Spot |
| Musical Performance | "Music, Maestro, Please", "Swing Brother Swing" |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Sketch | Happy Hour |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Film | Cats & Dogs |
| Miscellaneous | Coming Attractions |
| Film | P-Nut Fever |
| Musical Performance | "I Can't Help It" |
| Sketch | Butt County Dance Party |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Chevy Chase | ... | Gerald Ford |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Chevy Chase | ... | Gerald Ford |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Weekend Update |
| Chevy Chase | ||
| Chevy Chase |
Artist's RenderingPatricia Hearst trial | |
| Chevy Chase | ||
| John Belushi |
Angry CommentaryMarch | |
| Gilda Radner | ... |
Emily Litella
Comment on conserving natural race horses |
| Sketch | Happy Hour |
| Jane Curtin | ... | waitress |
| Garrett Morris | ... | patron |
| Laraine Newman | ... | patron |
| Gilda Radner | ... | patron |
| Tom Davis | ... | patron |
| Neil Levy | ... | patron |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | patron |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Chevy Chase | ... | Gerald Ford |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Miscellaneous | Coming Attractions |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | narrator Voice |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Marny |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Tippy |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Felicia |
| Sketch | Butt County Dance Party |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Larry Rontz |
| John Belushi | ... | Dennis Timplitt |
| Jane Curtin | ... | dancer |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Luke |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Queenie Lusk |
| Gilda Radner | ... | dancer |
| Tom Davis | ... | dancer |
| Al Franken | ... | dancer |
| Neil Levy | ... | dancer |
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | ... | dancer |
| Karen Roston | ... | dancer |
| Tom Schiller | ... | dancer |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | dancer |
| Weekend Update |
| Gilda Radner | ... |
Emily Litella#8
Comment on conserving natural race horses |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Chevy Chase | ... | Gerald Ford#6 |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Chevy Chase | ... | Gerald Ford#7 |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Weekend Update |
| Chevy Chase | ||
| Chevy Chase |
Artist's RenderingPatricia Hearst trial | |
| Chevy Chase | ||
| John Belushi |
Angry CommentaryMarch | |
| Gilda Radner | ... |
Emily Litella#8
Comment on conserving natural race horses |
| Sketch | Happy Hour |
| Anthony Perkins | ... | patron |
| Jim Henson's Muppets | ||
| Jane Curtin | ... | waitress |
| Garrett Morris | ... | patron |
| Laraine Newman | ... | patron |
| Gilda Radner | ... | patron |
| Tom Davis | ... | patron |
| Neil Levy | ... | patron |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | patron |
| Miscellaneous | A President's View On Marijuana |
| Chevy Chase | ... | Gerald Ford#8 |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
| Film | Cats & Dogs |
| Sketch | You Got A Bee |
| Anthony Perkins | ... | Professor Trellis |
| John Belushi | ... | bee |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Sherri Norwalk#3 |
| Miscellaneous | Coming Attractions |
| Anthony Perkins | ||
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | narrator Voice |
| Jane Curtin | ... | Marny |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Tippy |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Felicia |
| Sketch | Butt County Dance Party |
| Anthony Perkins | ... | Rick Phillips |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Larry Rontz |
| John Belushi | ... | Dennis Timplitt |
| Jane Curtin | ... | dancer |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Luke |
| Laraine Newman | ... | Queenie Lusk |
| Gilda Radner | ... | dancer |
| Tom Davis | ... | dancer |
| Al Franken | ... | dancer |
| Neil Levy | ... | dancer |
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | ... | dancer |
| Karen Roston | ... | dancer |
| Tom Schiller | ... | dancer |
| Rosie Shuster | ... | dancer |
⁕The superimposed teletype footage showing criminal records plays too early, and forces Dan Aykroyd to improvise a different ending to the sketch.
♬MFSB - "The Zip"
♬The Miracles - "Love Machine"
| Total Appearances | Characters | Impressions | Voices | Stills | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Anthony Perkins | 8 | ||||
| Betty Carter | 2 | ||||
| Jim Henson's Muppets | 2 | ||||
| George Plimpton | 1 | ||||
| Chuck Scarborough | 1 | ||||
| Constance Abernathy | 1 | ||||
| Jackie Curtis | 1 | ||||
| Dan Greenburg | 1 | ||||
| Elaine Kaufman | 1 | ||||
| Taylor Mead | 1 | ||||
| Bill Wegman | 1 | ||||
| Dan Aykroyd | 3 | 2 | |||
| John Belushi | 3 | ||||
| Chevy Chase | 5 | 3 | |||
| Jane Curtin | 5 | ||||
| Garrett Morris | 2 | ||||
| Laraine Newman | 4 | 1 | |||
| Gilda Radner | 5 | 1 | |||
| Tom Davis | 2 | ||||
| Al Franken | 1 | ||||
| Neil Levy | 2 | ||||
| Marilyn Suzanne Miller | 1 | ||||
| Don Pardo | 4 | 4 | |||
| Karen Roston | 1 | ||||
| Tom Schiller | 1 | ||||
| Rosie Shuster | 2 | ||||
| Gary Weis | 1 | ||||
| Alan Zweibel | 1 | ||||
| 63 | 2 | 3 | 6 |