| Sketch | Jill Carson, Guidance Counselor! |
| Jill Clayburgh | ... | Jill Carson |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | Barry |
| Dan Aykroyd | ... | announcer Voice |
| John Belushi | ... | Julio Alvarez |
| Chevy Chase | ... | Phil Taylor |
| Garrett Morris | ... | Mr. Alvarez#1 |
| Gilda Radner | ... | Mrs. Alvarez#1 |
| Don Pardo | ... | announcer Voice |
♬Dennis Farnon - "Lady Killers"
♬"Hallelujah Chorus"